文化冲击4

The third is focus on shortage.

If I can say I learned sth. from my oversea life and it is changed me so much, then that is it. Our Chinese people was educated in that environment that we should focus on our shortage and overcome it. Then we can get improvement. If we focus on our forte we will be pompous and stop improving.

Before I went overseas I already knew that in western country they rather praise than demeaning. But I don’t think it deeply. I think that is two different way to success. One example is I became a decent man as well. But now I understand that there is a self-fulfilling prophecy. And one can not help to focus on the shortage is a tunnel vision. We can even say that t’s a kind of mental disorder. I’d agree that focus on the shortage maybe is a efficient way when we use it in work. But when we use it in our family and judge people like that, it is totally wrong.

Now I pay a lot effort to change that. It is not easy because we used to it for many years. But after I understand it I know I have to change the way I treat my family. My daughter is shy and unconfident. The only way to improve it is to praise when I saw her every little forte.

文化冲击3

Second thing is control.

Chinese parents role rather like a god to their child but friend. I hate it at the beginning so I never do that to my child. But it is quite common in Chinese traditional culture that children should unconditionally obey their parents order. That is the spirit of “孝顺”.

Now I know “孝顺” is a bullshit. It bend the relationship between child and parent and hurt them both. This kind of symbiosis is insane. But I believe most Chinese still think it is a good thing nowadays. Parent may think they control their children for children’s benefit. It is correct if he is under 3 years old. But most parent may used to the same way they control their kid even if the kid has already grow up. For me, I saw my parents in law always suggest my wife she should wear more or less, she should carry an umbrella, she should eat one more bowl of rice. And what make me can not understand is she never fight back and sometimes she seems appreciate it!

Yes, that is quite common in China. Parents control their adult children. That’s why we have so many conflicting between the generations. I saw seldom parents can control themselves not to cross the boundary. But I think my parents did pretty good. That why I am quit clear where the boundary is and can not stand anyone break into my territory.

文化冲击2

My second daughter was born last year. This give me an experience to be a father again and push me to think how to do the right thing to bring up a new life.

This year I learned some psychology and from what I learned I recognize some methods that our Chinese used to treat children which I think it’s quite normal and correct previously. But now after I lived in Australia for 3 years and see what I saw, now I believe it’s abnormal and wrong.

First thing is treat kids tough.

Our Chinese parents quite believe the method that treat children tough is beneficial for his future. So that he can have more ability and capability. In our traditional family father’s role is a strict king. He give the kid some strict rule and treat him tough in oder to let him fit in the “real world” as soon as possible.

Yes of course, the competition in China is quite serious and the real world is tough. But it is more important to let a young kid know he is beloved. He should know he is connected to his family and people who loves him. So that he is not longly in this tough world. He should know his family will always trust him, support him, love him unconditionally. Whether he become a successful man in the future or not.

So that when we grow up we become inarticulate and shy. Sometimes selfish and lack of emotion. This is a quite common label for Chinese. Isn’t that the direct consequence of our culture?

转推，我对香港近期事件的看法与此推同

很多年前，我读到村上说“我永远站在鸡蛋这一边”，颇不以为然，心想：还是要讲对错的吧。

然后有一天，我在路上骑着自行车，突然这句话在我脑中浮现：因为…我是一只鸡蛋啊！

写出来就很寻常；可想到的那一刻，每个字都在脑袋里作响。

回家找到原文，发现村上早已说过了。

但不能理解时，就看不见。

之所以想到这件旧事，因为有人给我私信表达失望：真想不到你这么双标；为什么不谴责暴徒，只单方面谴责警察暴力？

然后给我发up主共青团中央的视频。

（虽然我也很奇怪，为什么当一个政权在努力消灭一切反对声音的时候，还是有人认为它的宣传是可信赖的。）

显而易见，在这种时候，解释是没有用的。

但还是有一点很个人的感触，就是：

意识到自己是一个鸡蛋，这种认知决计无法靠三言两语传达。村上不能，我也不能。

而无论高墙多么强大，发出的声音多么喧嚣，我还是希望有人能倾听、呵护自己内心那个独一无二的灵魂。

因为我是一个鸡蛋。只能在其他的鸡蛋那里找到安慰和支持。

文化冲击1

最近很关注东西方文化差异的话题。来澳3年，所见所感，潜移默化，慢慢感受到东西文化的不同。最近有两件事感触很深。

一个差异是，在我们中国的观念里，一个法规如果没有可行的监管处罚方式与之配套的监管处罚机制，大家就不会当真。而在澳洲，不一定是所有人吧，但真的有很多人相信和尊重法律的尊严。

比如有不少州规定作为一个habitable的房间，高度必须不小于2.4米，有人就发帖子问，我的房子不到2.4米，如果当作habitable的房子出租会有什么问题么，政府会找我麻烦么？有人回答，据我所知很多人都这么干，政府不管的。另一位老哥回答，我从来都遵纪守法，所以晚上才睡得安稳。如果你想扭曲制度来获得利益，那你还不如去贩毒呢，反正都是违法的，那个来钱更快。有挑战的是法律制度内创造价值，要不比如你玩高尔夫，如果你打算耍诈来获胜，那你浪费时间玩这个还有什么意义呢。

when people do the wrong thing they should accept the consequences, if you are aware its the wrong height , you should not be letting it, But for me i always do the right thing so i can sleep at night , if you are bending the system that creats you money then you might as well be selling drugs, the money is better and in my eyes they are both illegal, but that just my take on it.

the challange is to create wealth the legal way , the other way is not a challange its like cheating at golf , why bother playing to better your game . you could bend the rules just a bit and say your a pro after the first game , not much fun at all.

这位老哥的话真是振聋发聩，在国内即使也能看到这样的言论，但没有这几年的亲身经历，没有这么多发生在身边活生生的例子，也会认为这是曲高和寡的陈词滥调吧。来了才发现，这，才是主流价值观。

原生家庭

最近听了一期圆桌派S4，请来了心理学家武志红配上文道和蒋方舟聊原生家庭对人的影响。令我很受震动，我意识到我这么喜欢探究内心的人其实并没有受过任何心理学训练，只是在自己思考，连一些最基本的概念都不知道。

随即找来武志红的《为什么家会伤人》读。读完我发现中国的心理学家虽然水平声望未必比得上那些国际上的学界泰斗但真的贴近我们啊，他们分析的问题和现象真的救是我们的实际生活啊。

从心理学这个角度去看，会发现一些观念上中外是如此不同。体现在对一些学界有共识的基础理论，中外的社会整体认知程度和实际施行情况有天渊之别。这让我重新审视中外表象不同之下的内在机理，从而深感震撼。

我如果一直待在国内，对一些现象问题的看法可能永远都不会变，我出来前以为通过各种媒体资讯见惯了西方世界，没想到还是会感受到文化冲击。这真好，能有契机打破固有的成见去深入思考，这就是走出舒适区去见识外面世界的真意了。

这些认识在很大程度上直接改变了我对待家庭的方式，或许也会改变我的人生轨迹。而且这一本书还引出好几本书等我我去看，都看完后相信会另有收获。

另外最近查了澳几个大学的专业排名，UQ只有心理学排名还好（23）其他都拿不上台面，ANU的史哲政高的令人惊艳（史12哲5政10），而墨大比较中庸，英史政经都在20上下。这么看来我很可能只在UQ读心理，在墨大读史经，最后还想读哲的话只有去ANU了。